Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
