I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
