Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
