You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
