I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
