cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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