It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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