i would punch a child for taco bell
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have fence marks all over my body
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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