Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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