Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize