Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
