You can't special order awesome
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
