Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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