When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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