I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
