I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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