now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
