someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
