highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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