You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
