I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
