2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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