I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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