You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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