I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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