yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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