ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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