My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
