Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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