CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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