If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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