Who did Billy Mays play for?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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