I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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