He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am one with the molecules
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
