I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
