yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
