dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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