Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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