paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
