After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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