I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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