even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
