She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
