Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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