honey bunches of taint.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
