I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i believe in u and ur pee
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
