dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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