Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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