Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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