So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
