Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
