Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
