If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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