i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
