in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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