I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
