Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
