I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
