Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
