I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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