Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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