where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
