Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
