'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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