Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
