I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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