Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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