The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
