I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
