I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We need to rekindle our bromance
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
